Just Talk

Let’s talk of things that used to be

About days and memories of long ago

About everything just you and me

And bring them forth, remember the snow?

Our hearts will return to those yesteryears

Especially the time we parted

Even though filled with many tears

We clung to the dreams we had started

We will discuss how life had other plans

Remembering each and every day

How we were in God’s hands

Even though we had to go a separate way

Now time has brought us to this place

Of memories about our special walk

And even though we aren’t face to face

We can dream again and just talk.

Beyond All Yesterdays

When our worlds collided

We took notice

Not with big bangs or hallelujahs

But smiles and simple touches

That meant so much

The Universe kept spinning

As stars lite up the night

We had found each other

Beyond all yesterdays

The future danced before us

In the pale moonlight

Sunshine then warmed our souls

While gentle sea breezes

Caressed the sandy shore

Then it happened! Life!

Different directions and paths to take

Other plans took over way back when

Still the joy of knowing

Beyond all doubt that

Over the years and up to now

We had been touched by God’s amazing grace

He will be the One to complete the dance

How beautiful it will be

If it be His will

To dance again under

His canopy of stars

In the pale moonlight

As the angels sing.

Lost Moments

Memories swirl within an aching heart

Tears flow from dark nights to daylight

Searching for peace but it hides

Thorns of regret and what if’s

Play their own sad songs

The unknowns dance among

The tattered dreams of what was not

And might never be

Still the flowers of hope

Try to bloom in this dark place

Maybe’s and could be’s call

But no answers come

Will tomorrow bring back

The dream that was lost?

The morning mist softens

The edges formed by doubt

Still the clock of time

Steals the seconds of mortality

They are placed with each click

Beyond the reach of yesterday

And into this life of lost moments.

 

 

My Gypsy Heart

    Staying put for any length of time has always been hard for me. Discontent with self, with others and their problems, and an avid aversion to the ‘worry ruts’ seem to be the catalysts that sparks the flames of my restless, gypsy heart.  As a little girl, I was always running away to be alone. Being confined to the yard was not a problem, since my yard consisted of about twenty acres in the backwoods of the Quachita National Forest of southeastern Oklahoma. I believe people today would call this the ‘boonies’. These woods were my world and I loved them. I would check out every flower, tree, bug, and trail. My gypsy heart could roam as free as the clouds thus keeping me safe from anything that threatened my world. I could grab an old cold biscuit and head for the comfort of my woods. My house was a long way from town so roaming was allowed.

    My home would, by today’s standards, be a shack. It probably was then but I did not know the difference. I only knew it was my home. Unpainted exterior walls surrounded three rooms, a fireplace, and my family. This consisted of my Daddy, Mama, Grandma, (on Mama’s side), Mama’s brother, and six kids. If the one on the way counted. My Grandpa on my Daddy’s side came out once in a while to spend the night. Mama called him a ‘drinker’ as was my Daddy at times. There wasn’t much room, so needless to say, personalities clashed. My sister always called these times the ‘yaya’ times for lack of a better word. I believe the circumstances of those times birthed this gypsy heart that dwells in my soul. Quiet trees and butterflies were my solace.

Today, I still try to run. When family problems, financial worries, and the ‘yaya’ of this life takes over and closes in on me, and I cannot get out of the rut each causes as they pass over my soul, my gypsy heart says to pack up and move. This is not always possible any more. People do not allow me this awesome privilege. My kids make fun of my spirit of adventure as I call it. Society as a whole does not grasp this concept of ‘mountain woman’ or whatever they would call it, so I cannot run like I used to do as a child.

Now, I find other ways to escape. I attended college for a bit. I work in my yard. I have roses, crepe myrtles, hollyhocks, and various other plants to keep some of the restlessness at bay, but not all of the time. Grandchildren are welcomed diversions as are my kids. It seems like they always need me about the time I am ready to run. Therefore I am obligated by the massive love for them to stay put. There have been times when I have packed up and moved to a new location. I love the adventure of new places. I am probably a therapist dream but this is a very important part of who I am. I will always try to find that elusive contentment of carefree, child-like days and smooth, rut free trails in a time when having a ‘gypsy heart’ was okay.

 

Lost in the Shadows

Lost in the shadows of time

Beyond all care

Moments becoming only memories

Of broken dreams

Fragments of lost days and nights

Lifting up the remnants of many yesterdays

Finding only empty places left unfilled

Dots and dashes of no more

Seeking what never was to be.

Waiting

FBO 11/14/19

Not long ago in a faraway land

I call my mind

I had dreams and promises in place

Then life shook them to the ground

Like overripe fruit

Now they lay beyond time and space

Not knowing if they will survive the fall

How did I get to this place of always waiting?

Why must I wait, and wait, and wait?

Will I have to search beneath the leaves of Autumn

For seeds of faith to believe again before winter’s chill

How will I know when the wait is over?

Will bells chime and whistles blow

In acknowledgement of it’s end?

Can the clouds of doubt be blown away

By simply believing I can survive the storm?

No answers are forthcoming

No phone calls or texts that will give me hope

My heart is programed to expect less

So it won’t hurt anymore

But still it waits, and waits, and waits

Maybe in the morning I’ll know

So I’m waiting for the answers

That will shore up the dreams.

Quiet Thoughts

In the darkness of our minds

We search and seek to find

Old memories of much happier times

Like yellow song birds and wind-blown chimes

Quiet thoughts ease my mind-please do

With pretty flowers and morning dew

Crystal raindrops and sunset hues

Quiet thoughts, Dear God, of You.

Memories

Well I went with my oldest daughter today for doctor appointments and buying school clothes plus supplies for two of my grandchildren who have ADHD. Thankfully Wal-Mart and the doctor’s office was only two blocks from each other. I say this because after we (Grandfather, Grand-daughter, and I) dropped off Mother and Grandson at his appointment, Grand-daughter was hungry so I said we would just take her to a place to eat in Wal-mart while they were at the doctor’s office.  Grandson’s appointment was at 1:00 0’clock and thought hers was at 2:00 but no found out hers was at 3:00 so we had plenty of time. We found this out after we took her back for her’s at 2:00.  The Grandson was hungry so we took him back to Wal-mart along with the mother so they could eat. Mother decided to buy school clothes and supplies while we were there so she wouldn’t have to go after the appointments, so she didn’t eat. Five minutes was all she had before Granddaughter’s appointment and Mother was just checking out with a basket of school supplies. I told her to go have Grandfather take her and Granddaughter to their next appointment and I would check out for her. She said,”But , Mama, (She does’t call me Mother) I may not have enough money to pay for everything!” I told her that I would take up the slack! Grandson and I stayed at the store while Grandfather ran Mother  and Grand-daughter back to the doctor’s appointment. She had left me her money that she had which was more than enough. Grandfather came back so Grandson and I took her stuff out to the truck and since we had another hour to wait, we went back in to do some shopping of our own. Grandfather found shirts for $3.00 apiece and Grandson wanted a locking pencil box so I had to get Granddaughter something or she would have a fit, even though her Mother had just spent a small fortune on her. Their Mother called finally to say they were ready. Grandfather went to get them so she could come back and eat plus buy their school shoes which she didn’t get the first time around. Grandfather and I waited in the restaurant while she took them to get their shoes and some things she needed for her and Father. She had a list. We waited, and waited, and waited. Finally I called her to see how long it was going to be and the first thing out of her mouth was, “Come and get her!” The pop we gave her must have kicked in lol! Mother was beside herself! Finally it was time to go home. Mother wouldn’t let us stop and get root beer floats on the way home. She said she had a headache and just needed her coffee.  I forgot to mention that the appointments were in another state an hour and a half away from where we live. So if she wasn’t stopping for floats she would just have to wait on her coffee although we were dieing for a cup ourselves. About ten miles from home I had her call the kid’s Father to have coffee ready when we got home. Grandfather hadn’t had his nap yet so after coffee he went to sleep while I decided to write this little bit of news. I call it ‘Memories’ because I have been transported back to the first day of school when my five year old son (He turns 41 this month) looked so precious in his new school clothes, and my oldest daughter (the kid’s  Mother) four years later with her pretty little dress and new shoes, then my youngest daughter four years after that in blue jeans but still a classy little girl. Each one carrying their treasure of pencils and paper and a box of crayolas. The amount of school supplies these Grandkids needed was beyond belief! We have come a long way as far as education and I do not begrudge any teacher for having help with the teaching process especially with all the budget cuts and political woes of the day. I know most of these teachers supply many more things that aren’t even on the lists and God bless them all with courage and wisdom to teach in todays world. I was just walking through some old memories before I became Grandmother of nine and Great-grandmother of two. I don’t believe I’ll go next year. I will just sit at home and remember this year with my cup of coffee and Grandfather-smiling to myself.

Life is a Leveler

This poem came out of a time when my life had been put on hold to help others and harsh words had hurt me deep within my spirit but Jesus had my back and helped me through this trying time.

Life is a leveler

And seeks it’s own

Then wants more

Emptying my soul of joy

When the stress gets to bad

I stumble in the darkness

Tripping over my own thoughts

What else do I have-

That is worth the fight?

Do I hang on to this?

Or let go of that?

Will it matter in the end?

What will I do-

When I finally break?

Will anyone care?

And put me together again?

Words maybe if soft and sweet

Could be just the thing

That is needed to fix my heart

Love seems to be the thin veil

Used to cover up the cause

I evidently did or said

Something that was wrong

When everything is finally done

And all the lights go out

Will joy come back out of the dark

And caress me in the night?

Smiles

wrinkles folded

gleaming eyes

sweet smells

memories

smiles

loving hands

praying

mama’s love

 

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