Tag: choices

I Can’t Say

My paths have not always been true

I have slipped and slid my way through

But I stand here and say not in disgrace

That I will keep on and finish my race

I may not have traveled as best I should

Sometimes I didn’t even try to be good

Life has played many tricks on me

But I have always manages to walk free

Clouds of storms and winds of change

Buffeted me in this vast open range

Hurricanes of hurt put me to shame

But it was only me to blame

I have given up so much to be here today

But I’m not lost I’ve found another way

I can’t say I will ever get it right

But I won’t go away without a fight

I’ll hang onto the hopes of tomorrow

Not give in to regret or tears of sorrow

I have a new promise that’s now in place

Under the shield of God’s eternal grace.

 

 

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Veil of the Unknown

Shadows of light dance

Just out of view

Straining to see the future

But hindered by the past

What do I expect to see

Beyond this veil of the unknown?

Will I see loss with it’s devastating cries?

Maybe joy at finding love

That was lost long ago

Reaching out into this fog

Memories searching, seeking

But to no avail

Invisible thoughts can’t be held tight

Like a ribbon on a pretty package

The unknown contents beckon

Beyond this veil of time

Maybe it’s better not to know

For only God has the plan

His mysteries are for Him

To unfold, to show, and to give

The light of eternity calls the soul

To come, to explore, to ride

The waves of forever

To not be afraid of grace

As softness caresses the air

Sweet surrender is calling

Just beyond this veil of the unknown.

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Lost Again

5/24/08  This is the last of the the five writings from 2008 when I was taking care of my Mother-in-law who had dementia. She was a beautiful soul but my husband was a recipient of jerk DNA. He wore it proudly and we all suffered for it. There was a lot of stress on me and anyone else who crossed him. Kids included. Writing was my outlet but these were never put on here until now. He is in the nursing home with his own dementia. He pulled one to many stunts and the doctors placed him where he couldn’t run away from himself. If this sounds callous so be it. You cannot judge me unless you lived it.

Lost Again

I have jumped into the deep end of the pool

And can’t swim

Will anyone see me trying to survive?

I’m splashing and yelling but no one cares

They are all to busy trying to survive themselves

I lost again-regret is ruling the emotions

I should have been told how deep the water was

Fear if nothing else would have stopped the jump

But I could have looked myself

Instead I guessed I was right

Maybe that’s what is wrong

Guessing isn’t a certainty but this drowning is

I am sinking now but the water is comforting

It is engulfing me. Trying to help as best it can

It has become my friend and understands

As it seeks it’s own level too

Can it help me find mine?

My world has become slanted

Sometimes happy then sliding into gloom

I know ingratitude is pulling me deeper still

Am I the one who is wrong?

God didn’t tell me the water was so deep

Life has stripped the joy from me

Will I ever get it back?

Will the Lifeguard from above jump in for me?

Am I that important or will He save someone else?

I always seem to be the last one chosen

Maybe I should just learn to swim

Now that’s a thought! Can I even count on me?

We’ll see! I”ll just try a little longer

Hold on to the side and go to the shallow end.

 

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Mistakes

A mistake stays a mistake I don’t learn from it. If it teaches me that I am responsible for the choices I make when tested then it becomes a lesson in life and is up to me to study for the exam! I am responsible for me but the consequences of my choices will affect everyone with the ripples caused by any stones I may throw. God, Please help me to always be kind and forgiving not only to others but to myself as well.

 

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Stones of Emptiness

‘Stones of emptiness’ that we can’t see, taste, or touch

Drag down our eternal souls that hinder our walk so much

One is called ‘gossip’ and ‘that’ we always want to hear

Another is ‘hate’ with it’s cruelty and it’s twin brother ‘fear’

‘Shame’ is another stone we carry in our bag full of woe

Then there is ‘jealousy’ and ‘envy’ that put on their show

Each has it’s own tormenting voice of ‘bitterness’ and ‘wrath’

‘Rage’ is another burden carried down this well worn path

‘Prejudice’ and ‘bigotry’ get tossed into this mix called life

‘Guilt’ travels along with the stones of ‘blame’ and ‘strife’

Then ‘condemnation’ and ‘regret’ come along for the ride

Cozying up to ‘ignorance’, ‘ungodliness’, and ‘mortal pride’

These are just some of the ’empty stones’ we tote around

Allowing them to grieve our spirits and slow us down

We must cast off these useless ‘stones of emptiness’

And allow God to throw these sins into His ‘sea of forgiveness’

Let go of each and everyone along with their awful pain

And try to never, never, never to pick them up again.

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My Box of Dreams

I unpacked my box of dreams today. I guess to be a beauty queen was never meant to be. I didn’t get to go on that honeymoon in Hawaii. I didn’t succeed at any career. I never built that log cabin. I never was quite good enough to be cool. I never got to be the favorite kid. Seems like I was always the one who was made fun of and never quite measured up. But in the grand scheme of life I do belong. I am who I would rather be than who others think I am. I am just me and that’s okay.

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We are the Seed

We are the seed that decides the harvest around us. St. Basil said, “A good deed is never lost; He who sows courtesy reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.”Galatians 6: 7, 9 says…..For whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap. and let us not be weary in well-doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not. (KJV). My prayer for today is that I sow peace to reap contentment, mercy to reap forgiveness, courage to reap honor, and patience with love to reap eternity in Heaven. Amen

 

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Pages

I guess it is time to watch life turn some pages

Nothing stays the same and life moves on

It’s not content to hover amidst broken dreams

On crinkled paper and faded print

Sentences rewrite themselves

As promises drift away

Hope tries to hang on as best it can

But tires so easily with it’s loss of strength

Believing and doubt walk together on this path

What will the story say on the last page?

With the final line printed for all to read

I know, it will say, “The End” and close the book.

 

 

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Will We?

A long time ago on top of a hill

Stood and old cross

Quiet and still

Having done it’s part

In redemption’s story

The Son had returned

To His Father in Glory…..

There will come a time

When we will see our Savior

There will come a time

When He will judge us

True and faithful

Will we be ready when time calls our name?

Will we be ready to see our King?

Time will no longer be our friend

It will judge us of our worth

Will we be counted with the sheep?

Will we be ready as a bride

Adorned for her wedding day?

The Son is coming back for Hos own

God has spoken so we know it’s true

Now it’s just a matter of time.

 

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Shattered Dreams

My mind says to let you go

But my heart says absolutely no

I walk around in turmoil and grief

Lost in sadness and such disbelief

I only want what is best for you

But I don’t know what else to do

If only I could make some plans

Put my life in God’s perfect hands

But I’m so afraid you would be lost

And I am not willing to pay the cost

So I wander down this lonesome trail

To give up means that I might fail

To have the life I want with you

I still care so much that is true

For time is not always as it seems

In my world of shattered dreams

 

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